100 days to go

What can I say yesterday had a good day at work it was so busy that I did not finished until eleven at night and was so tired that fell asleep as soon as I got home so considering that I can say that was a good day. But unfortunately today it went back to usual shit work was quiet so depression is back and getting the better of me again. All the shit is back the only one thing I am looking forward again is the end of this 100 days and the end of this life as I am getting so thick of living this life without any single enjoyment or pleasure. So I went to borders after work to see if I can find anything interesting to read but when I got there just could not be bothered with anything so decided to go home and drink until I forget all the problems of my life. I know its not a solution but it’s a way to get me through the night and the next 95 or so day and minimise the pain. Well I think its probably about it for today iam going to go and hit a bottle now.

Well another day is nearly over, nothing much happened today work was quite boring as there is no much work these days so I have done some research on the best ways to end it all and thet sort of lifted up my mood abit as I can now see the end of the pain. Will be going out with some friends later today but I think it just going to be another boring evening as lately I am just not finding anything they talk about exciting or even having any point at all, so I just probably drink enough to pass out and hopefully will get some sleep as I did not get much last night with nightmares and everything else probably got only about an hour of sleep. Well really there is nothing more to say right now so Ill be going to get ready to go.

Today after over a year of suffering and unbearable mental pain I have made a decision to end my life. I have set a date when I am going to end my life it is 24 February 2010, which is exactly 100 days from now. This blog will be my brain dump for the next 100 days as I will try to express myself. I know there will be many people who will think that iam weak and can’t deal with problems if you one of them please stop reading now and go do something else. Also this is not a cry for help don’t think or try to change my mind I will kill myself and there is nothing that can stop me. I am not going to say my reasons for doing it but trust me I have a good one. Also I have tried getting professional help and tried talking to friends but no one seems to understand. So really writing this blog for the next 100 days is really just to express myself as no one I know understands me and maybe it will help someone to deal with their problems or just give them a view from a different point. I am not a writer so sorry if post are not structured well or don’t make sense at all as this is just what I have in my head.
Now abit about myself. Until 7 September 208 I had a perfect life. I had everything and then 7 September 2008 my life come crushing down I lost the most important thing in my life and I think on that day my soul died and since then I been living in constant horrible nightmare I no longer enjoy anything. I am deeply depressed I hate everything and everyone around me and I just cannot go on anymore. I can’t sleep, I have to drink until I pass out every night just so I get some rest. Every day the pain is getting worse and worse.
This morning when I got up and had a large dose of nurofen to stop my headache I felt slightly better as I can see the end to my suffering and then I was going to end my life this weekend but then I remembered that I promised someone to help them with something early next year so I decided to give myself 100 days to tidy up everything and then end my life. Afterwards I went to work and it was boring and depressing as the only thing I can think of is how to speed up time. Well I guess this is enough for one day I will try to update this blog as often as possible hopefully once a day. And now I guess it is time to go and start drinking myself to sleep.